This Post Contains a Selfie Photo

On Day 20 of No Junk Food, I celebrate the fact that this morning I finally felt a noticeable reduction in bloat, and improvement in my complexion.  Here I am pictured this morning wearing a shirt I have not dared wear for several years (although there have probably been brief periods when I could have pulled it off if I'd thought of it).  Once, long before my daughter was a twinkle in my eye, I wore this shirt to dinner at a friend's house, and my friend asked me if I was pregnant.  Ouch!  She was so sweet and well-meaning, I kind of feel bad that my quick reply was, "No, just fat."

You gotta stand like Daphne from Scooby-Doo.  Flared pants or bell-bottoms help.  [Note of clarification: I know Daphne didn't wear bell-bottoms.  My mama didn't raise no fool.]

This picture was taken first thing in the morning before eating or drinking anything.  I mention this because it's an astonishing thing how much different my body can look at various moments throughout any given day.

I wore those pants on Monday and my daughter's speech therapist asked me if I was trying to lose weight, and asked what I was doing.

I think I'm almost milking the system compliment-wise, because my weight fluctuates up and down quite a bit.  Thankfully, no one says, "Hey, you're gaining lots of weight lately!" when I'm on the upswing, but people do comment when it's going the other way.  But because of this, I get compliments periodically on my weight-loss efforts throughout the year, for about two or three years now.  I don't know quite how to feel about that.  I'm grateful that people are willing to speak up because it feels like a more objective gauge of progress than my own eyes.  Then again, when someone says you've lost weight, there's the unavoidable embedded reminder that they noticed that you weighed more before, and likely noticed when you were thinner before and then when you gained weight and then lost it again, etc.  

But we're getting into complete ridiculousness here, because if I go down that track, it's like I'm wishing people were blind or that they can't see me, or that when they look at me they see something other than what's there?   Or that they never comment on their impressions of me?  No, I don't really wish any of that.  I like things the way they are.

There is a big part of me that questions whether or not I should make any public comment on the size of my body or what it looks like, or post pictures of it.  I don't want to send the wrong message by emphasizing appearance.  But I am making efforts to be healthy and the fact of the matter is that in my particular current situation, healthier habits will tend to make my body visibly slimmer.

Just to cover all my bases, I will attempt to counter-balance my shallow vanity by posting the following kick-starter video.  You've probably seen this before; it's the Australian lady whose "before" and "after" pictures went viral because the "before" is the conventionally perfect body (while she was still self-critical), and the "after" is the soft, rounded, fleshy body of a woman who is happy with herself and loves her body.  The kick-starter fund is for a documentary about women embracing our bodies.  It's tragic that women almost universally say horribly negative things to themselves about their bodies, almost reflexively.  

Embrace - The Documentary Trailer

There are few things more important than caring for our physical health, but one thing that is far more important is to love yourself as you are, including your physical apparatus, no matter what condition it's in.  Simply because it is an outgrowth of who you are, and it is your precious vessel.  It springs from a perfect soul.

There, I think that's enough touch-feely empowering stuff to stave off my "shallow girl's remorse" for the moment.

Alright, let's see, what else is going on...

I ate some potato chips.  Sorry.  See, what had happened was, I went to Subway thinking they'd have apple slices, but they were out of apple slices, and I was too hungry to just eat a sandwich without anything else.  I could have picked some baked Cheddar and Sour Cream Ruffles that were only 140 calories, but instead I picked some 220 calorie Salt and Vinegar flavored kettle chips because the Ruffles had a lot of MSG and other nasty-sounding ingredients.  I think I made a pretty good choice in a pinch.  (Trying to go with the closest thing to a "whole," "clean" food as possible.) 

These tiny slip-ups will happen.  It's no big deal.  The reason why it's no big deal is because a tiny slip-up like that is just NOTHING compared to the amount of greasy food I was eating before.  Also, making a little mistake, while doing no major damage, makes me even more determined to make better choices more consistently. (I was going to say "to be self-disciplined" but I don't like the punitive connotation of that.)

Other updates:  I now eat one little bite of dark chocolate after dinner each day.  Also, I am trying to walk for 45 minutes each day.  Yesterday I couldn't go; today I went twice!  Two 45 minute walks in one day is a great treat for me.  I love to go for walks.  

It's still difficult to endure a dearth of McDonald's treats on a night when I would have previously had a surfeit of McDonald's treats.  But my mind is getting better at reminding myself of all the benefits I will enjoy when I don't give in to the urge for instant gratification.

Thank you for reading, please comment!